My friend Brian had this artwork commissioned for his character Aesa the Lucky. Aesa is one of the featured characters in the Norgard Saga. She's only 5'6', light frame but very agile. She looks like a child next to Magnus Thorsen who is over seven feet tall, powerfully built with long blond hair and beard.
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The question came sudden
Caught me unaware. Is a Conservative a Conservative he said with a glare Is a Conservative Conservative across this great land? What if he comes from a less Conservative brand? What if he comes from New Jersey, why should we care? Will he steal their retirement plans all in a bunch? Will he take away their disaster relief? Will he take their free lunch? Will he make up a budget, and make it up quick? Do it without formulas, lickety-split? Can he quote from the Bible like good Christians should? Can he make his own verses and make them up good? Can he shoot a live turkey with finesse and flair? Can he shoot his old six shooter up in the air? I do not believe he's as Conservative as me! He lives in New Jersey, not the land of the free. No, Conservatives must come from a place far from there. A place with no taxes or a place with big bears. A Conservative must come from a place that is fun. A place with low wages, over-baked from the sun. A Conservative must come from where Americans come. A place with no future, a place that is dumb. A deer was walking through a forest valley surrounded by great mountains. At the heart of the valley there was a mighty stream that formed a small lake on its way out of the valley. Every day, the deer and other denizens of the valley would go to the lake to drink because the stream was far too strong to use, but the lake was very small and the animals would have to wait turns to use it.
One day a beaver said, "I am going to dam that stream so we will all have a safe supply of water". The mountain goat said, "This is a fine idea. Now I will not have to leave my mountain to get a drink". The deer, however was afraid. "If the beaver dams the stream the valley will flood and I will drown". The beaver said, "Do not be afraid, I will only dam the stream enough to slow the stream down, making it weak". "Okay" said the deer, "You know what is best when it comes to damming. I will trust your judgment". The beaver began to dam the stream. At first he chose small saplings and after a couple of days he had slowed the stream so that all could drink from it. The lake grew but this did not concern the animals much because now they had an easy source of water. The mountain goat complained, "I still must come down from my mountain to drink. I thought you were a great engineer beaver! You must do a better job of taming the stream so I can drink without needing to travel so far"! The beaver said, "Mountain goat, if I do as you ask the deer and other animals will drown for they can not swim or climb into the high mountain to escape". The mountain goat said, "Friend beaver I am only asking you to do what is in your nature. Please continue your dam. When you are done you will be at peace because I will be the only animal disturbing your home for a drink". "What you say makes sense mountain goat, I will do as you suggest", said the beaver. The beaver cut down massive trees all through the night, selecting only the finest birch. He chopped and toiled and built the greatest beaver dam ever built. The lake grew and grew until the entire valley was flooded. The water continued to rise as the winter ice melted from the mountains. The mountain goat was very pleased. "Thank you friend beaver! Now I can get a drink from my high perch and I no longer have to travel a great distance to enjoy it". He drank and drank and then looked around from his barren mountain home. "Oh friend beaver, I think you made a mistake estimating how big to make your dam. I have easy access to water, but there is no food on my mountain. I will starve! Please break your dam so the valley is no longer flooded"! The beaver smiled his toothsome smile and replied, "Mountain goat, I was only following your instructions to do what is in my nature. I have constructed a mighty dam that meets all my needs and soon I will no longer need to share it with you". (My Version) For each and every one of you who are on my friends list, I catch myself looking at your pictures very late at night, sharing them with my network of perverts, as well with the freaks anonymous support group, both the good ones and bad ones. I am also happy that none of you have blocked me, hidden your phone and address from me or asked me what is in my basement. “We” will see who takes the time to read this message to the end. If you appreciate having friends who are creepy and disgusting from all over the world, go ahead and copy this in your status too, even if it gets you kicked out of school. I’m going to be WATCHING to see who takes care of friendships just like ME. Thank you all for not telling my wife. PLEASE COPY, I get royalties for this. From a dirty old friend.
(Original Version Below) For each and every one of you who are on my friends list, I catch myself looking at your pictures, sharing jokes and news, as well as support during good and bad times. I am also happy to have you among my friends. We will see who will take the time to read this message to the end. If you appreciate the friends from all over the world, go ahead and copy this in your status, too, even for just a minute. I'm going to be watching to see who takes care of the friendship just like me. Thank you all for being part of my life. PLEASE COPY. From an old friend. Hypocrisy traces its origins back to Hippocrates who once foolishly suggested that health care providers should do no harm. Rejecting ethics for money is part of the human condition. Ask Adam how much that apple cost him! I am not complaining about it though, without Hypocrisy we wouldn't have news media, Congress, the entertainment industry or religion. If Hypocrisy were as hard to commit as it is to spell we might have to practice honesty or integrity and that would be rather droll.
When egos clash and differences can't be settled politely a death match is issued.
"Excellent! I suspected you were a man of reason." Tyrone says.
"Release my friends first." I say. "In time my friend. For we are friends now are we not? First I want some proof that you are indeed an ally of the United States of America." "Proof?" I ask. "Yes, nothing too much. As I said, we have heard about you. You slaughtered thousands of government employees, at least three powerful revenants and scores of ghosts. You didn't do it alone." "I was paid to do a job. Nothing more." I say. "Friendships are based on trust. Trust must be earned. I want you to earn my trust. You haven't even told me your name." "You may call me Mr. Archer." I say "Well Mr. Archer, a first step in earning my trust would be to give me the names and location of your Society clients." Tyrone says. I am hit with another beam of light and fall on my back in agony. Lightening fast, Tyrone C. Sellers turns and fires a concealed knife into the throat of Friar Durant. Durant drops the beam weapon. "Friar Durant, your usefulness to the American people has come to an end. You may die now." Tyrone says. Durant had already complied with the request. "The names Mr, Archer. I am already late for my flight back to D.C." Tyrone says. I make a dash for the friar's weapon. Tyrone Sellers pulls a pistol as soon as I move and shoots me in the back. Again I go down in an agonizing heap. "Mr. Archer. Please don't disappoint me. I believe you to be a man of reason. The American government will reward you in ways you could never dream of as a mercenary. Give me one name and you and I will be on a Presidential jet to the White House within the hour." he says. "You have to understand. He is very powerful. He could extinguish my essence in a second. If I tell you his name. He will find out and I will have a short time remaining in this place." "Tell me!!" Tyrone says. "His name is Joe. He is not a ghost. He is not a revenant. He is a demon from the 9th circle of hell. I...I have broken my oath with him. His wail...has the power to kill mortals. One glance from him will kill a man. Bullets won't harm him. Only a full holy ceremony given by an ordained friar has any effect on him." I say. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" A long wail bellows from deep within the pit near the American flag. Screams echo from the town and dozen of machine guns fire a steady stream in the direction of the pit. Tyrone motions the mob, "Stop! It's a trick!" Somehow a fire has broken out in one of the store fronts. Two men are dead, victims of friendly fire. I concentrate for a moment and burn out the street lights and then sink into the ground. More random machine gun fire breaks out. When I arrive at the pit I snatch the ghost trap but when I reach out Tyrone shoots me again with his pistol. I fall into the pit, the ghost trap following my lead. I gain my composure just before meeting the bottom of the pit and catch the ghost trap preventing any damage to it. Joe and Life are at the bottom of the pit waiting. "Deadly wail dude? That was your plan?" Asks Joe. "My plan was to kill them all and escape with their technology and the ghost trap." I say. "What stopped you?" Joe asks. "Fat friar with anger management issues" I say. "We can discuss this later. Let's get as far away from this place as possible." Life says. "Okay, I suggest we tread a little earth rather than risk going back up to the surface." I say. We all go incorporeal. I phase the ghost trap so it too become incorporeal. We make haste to safer territory. A short while later we surface in an old coal mine shaft. The only light is emitting from the ghost trap. "Nice trick. How did you make that thing phase out without Society technology?" Joe asks. "I don't know, I just thought about it and it happened." I say. We stand around looking at the ghost trap and it's pulsing swamp fire glow. "Joe can you make it open?" Life asks. "Well of course I can make it open. I am an expert in Society technology. But this is going to take some delicate manipulation and timing on my part. I suggest the both of you take a seat and watch a master at work." Life looks at me in amazement. "...and I had been thinking that you had the biggest ego in the room." "I do. My head is so full of egos I am nos...sorry bad bit of Latin declension humor." "I don't get your humor sometimes. Stop being such a nerd." "Shhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't work under these conditions!!" Joe says. "You can't do it can you?" Life asks. "I could if you would show some patience." Like a vaudeville magician, Joe performs prestidigitation as if he is conjuring the devil himself. I stifle a laugh. An intense glow bursts forth from the device. Coal dust billows up from the ground of the mine shaft. The device stops glowing and Dawn, Sunny and an unknown man have joined us. We hug Dawn and Sunny quickly and then ask in unison, "Who are you?" The figure points at himself as if unsure who we are talking to. He has a long ponytail, blue jeans and is sporting an old rock concert T-shirt with War Pigs written in big green letters. Sunny lies down next to him. "He's Mr. Tommy." Dawn says. The man smiles infectiously and taps Dawn on the head. "My name is T. Paine. Some call me Terrible Pain, some call me T.P. as if they wish they could wipe their butts with me and then dispose of me in just such a manner. I prefer Tom, unless talking to little girls like this adorable child." he says. "No!" I say. "He can't be." Joe says. "I am" Tom says. "You can't be the Thomas Paine who wrote Common Sense. You'd be almost 300 years old." I say. "In the flesh...so to speak...and Please call me Tom. Thomas is so old-fashion." "You are as solid as those townspeople back there." I say. "I have had well over 200 years to perfect my craft. Observe." He says. Tom picks up a chunk of coal. "What am I holding?" he asks. "Other than a lump of coal?" Life asks. "Give that charming lady a prize! Place your hands near the coal. What do you feel?" "Power...energy!" says Dawn. "So smart! Future scientist for certain." says Tom. "What's the point?" Life asks. "If mankind were to look at this without reason, he would see a worthless rock...not even worthy of being a good projectile. Give mankind a century or two and this rock becomes a source of fuel for heating the house. Give him another century and it can be used to make electricity. Given time he may learn how to alter it's anatomy until it can be used to power a star ship. Now, take that same piece of coal and give it to a ghost. That ghost has three hundred years to use his reasoning faculties, without need for sleep, without earthly distractions to learn how his own anatomy is made up of unseen energy just like the coal. He reasons and tests his own theories on how matter and energy correlate, using his own powers as the test subject..." He looks over at Life who is inspecting the mine shaft. "...Please don't fall asleep dear lady, I am getting to the important part..." "No, go ahead...I am listening." She says. I can look, feel and breath just like a living being if I want to...or I can be as incorporeal as any first year cycling ghost. What's more, I can do it expending only a fraction of a percentage point of the energy I needed to do it 300 years ago." The coal passes through his hand, only to be caught by the other. Then it passes partially through his hand and sticks, half way between the top of his hand and the palm. "Ouch, that hurts....not really." The coal falls to the ground. "What is more important is I can teach all of you what I know." Tom smiles a toothy grin. "I am begging to suspect you did not get caught by accident." Life says. "Certainly not! Those fools couldn't catch cold without an injection." Tom focuses his attention on me. "You sir are famous, or should I say infamous. What you did in Lansing has caused quite a panic throughout Federal and State governments. The President has put you in his secret top 20 most wanted list. They are sending government agents, paranormal assassins, even rogue Society mercenaries. I haven't had this much fun since the Arab Spring!!!" "Fun? Governments are in chaos, mankind is in danger of disappearing and the planet is falling apart...how is that fun?" Life asks. "Pardon, my poor manners, fair lady, sometimes my sense of humor has gotten a bit idiosyncratic from spending too much time around bookish snobs. I get far too excited when I see an opportunity for progress. We have it in our power to begin the world over again." "Okay, I just heard crazy talking. Sometimes crazy and I have been too intimate of late so I am aware of the danger signs." I say. "What? Because I dare believe optimistically that humanity's best days can still be in the future?" Tom asks. "No because you started talking about power to change the world." I say "Oh but we do. You do. You don't even begin to understand how powerful you are!" "As a matter of fact, I've been down that road. Chosen one. Revenant Summa Cum Laude. Tooth fairy. What I got from it was the guilt of having killed innocent people and quite a few snuffed ghosts that were only cycling by." I say. "You didn't have me to guide you." says Tom. Hey dude, didn't you say government is for the living, not the dead. Why should a bunch of ghosts interfere? We should all head back to a Society outpost and let this mess work itself out. So far our involvement has only made things worse." Joe says. "Oh, beat me with my own words. Crucify a three hundred year old tongue. You know I also wrote a book about Deism and equated Christians with Atheists. I wound up a cursed drunkard, penniless, friendless and in danger of being forgotten entirely. I have moved on." Once again Tom focuses on me. "Friend, I don't even know your name." "Call me "Archer." I say. "Well Mr. Archer, let me examine you if I may" "Okay." Tom reaches into his jean pocket and pulls out an antiquated jeweler's spectacle with many dials and gizmos. He adjusts several dials. Then clicks on some sort of micro-electronic buttons on the side. Finally he sets them on his head. "This won't hurt at all. I am just going to look at your eyes. Ah, yes. Oh, now that is quite revolting. Dear Mr. Archer you really have eaten some rotten, nasty things. How...quiet is it in there?" "You mean in my head?" I ask. "Yes, are their voices telling you to do things you don't want?" "A few" Tom reaches into a satchel he was carrying and pulls out an intimidating set of tongs. "This is going to hurt." Tom says. "Hold on! What exactly are you doing to him?" Life asks. "Mr. Archer is a revenant. Some call them Draugur. They are a special form of ghost. Lots of people have written about them, but most of those authors don't know what they are talking about. When a revenant absorbs a life essence, mortal or paranormal, that essence is not truly destroyed. Instead it become a sort of food source for the revenant...almost a fat reserve, that powers the revenant's special abilities. If a revenant absorbs a particularly intelligent or powerful entity, especially a malevolent one, those beings can push weaker essences to the forefront when the revenant needs to use up some energy. Worse, they can make powerful suggestions that come across as that revenant's own thoughts. Over time a revenant's willpower can be overcome, particularly if as in Mr. Archer's case he is not even aware of any of this information." "So what you are saying is that if he has some evil wraith stuck in his skull he could become possessed by it"? Joe asks. "I have no doubt, given some of the claims I have heard that has already happened. In fact we can't even be certain Mr. Archer is in control of his faculties right now." Tom says. "What happens if you leave him alone." Life asks. "Maybe nothing...at first. Eventually he will be overwhelmed by something truly nasty and will kill you all." Tom says. "Sir, if it pleases you, I would like your permission to render any malevolent essences floating around in your head inert." "No need to be so formal. I have enough trouble controlling my own impulses. If you can weed out the competition I would be most grateful." I say. "Everyone else step back. Keep on your guard. Hide the dog and kid. If chaos reigns I am going to need room to work...not trying to scare anyone...just be alert!" Tom says. Tom plunges his tongs into my skull. I can hear them whirling inside with a high frequency pitch. As Tom adjusts the tongs which clearly are more advanced than the mechanical apparatus they appeared to be, then he activates some sort of sonic pulse at which point my mind becomes fuzzy. "Spectacular specimen! Oh, you are putting up a good fight. But you are no match for ole' Tom. Gotcha!" "You're killing him!" Life says. "Yes of course! ...Oh, not Mr. Archer. Relax! I have a firm grip on him. The spasms will desist once the dark essence is expunged and neutralized." Tom says. Joe begins to activate the Society ghost trap and points it at Tom. Tom quickly points a small reddish tube at the ghost trap and it deactivates. In a voice not his own Joe says, "Release the revenant or I shall destroy you all." The room fills up with an oily darkness so black that no one can see what happens next. "Do be still!" Tom says. He pulls the tong out of my head and my mind clears and so does the room. Joe collapses momentarily before looking around the room confused. "That was the worst of them. Shall we expunge the other half dozen before moving on?" Tom asks. "Proceed." I say. "Good then." Tom works his magic with the tongs, occasionally pulling out some other device to aid him. After a few hours I am feeling much refreshed and effusive with power. "What now?" Life asks. "I suggest we put Mr. Sellers out of business and on the way I will do my best to update you concerning my interest in you and who I represent." Tom says. Sunny rushes outside the mine, serving as a white beacon to guide us to the exit. "You are right, I did hear you" I say.
Life prepares to slap me again, but I motion for her to delay. "I've heard you since the day that dark assassin took you from me. That day I began hearing a lot of voices. There were thousands of voices inside my head. Many of them were screaming, some were pleading to be free, others were whispering darker messages. I assumed the insistence of my wife telling me to get a grip and let her out was just further proof of my growing insanity." "Well I've always said you need to listen to me more." Life says. "I promise to listen to you for now on...just not from inside my head okay?" I say. "So what made you decide I was real?" Life asks. "When I was attempting to end it all I began to unravel. Fewer and fewer voices remained inside. I felt like those voices that left wanted to die as bad as I did. The voices that were clinging to me were very strong willed. I heard your voice calling out to Sunny. Thank you!" "I could not have you committing suicide before I had a chance to slap you in the face for being stupid!" Life says. "I think I will hold on to this existence for a while now." I say. "Okay so now what?" says Joe. "Well I assume saving the world is still my job, so let's get started." I say. "Where are we going?" Asks Dawn. I point to the cave mouth. "Out there." I say. "Beyond that I can only say we need to head to Washington D.C. I think no government has to be better than what we have now." We head up to the cave mouth. Several feet of snow blanket the area, indicating that I have been in the cave for longer than I thought. There are a series of signs and religious constructs as well as unlit candles and votive offerings at the cave entrance. There are no footprints in the snow. The objects have been here at least a few days, although some have been here for a while now. Some of the objects are crosses. One sign reads, Devil's Cave. Do not enter. This cave is possessed by the devil. Death calls to any who hear his wailing. "It's refreshing to know that people have become so enlightened since America lost its freedom." Joe says. "We have been ignorant and superstitious for a long time. What else could I be but the devil himself." I say. I notice some jars of ice labeled holy water. I pick one up, open the jar and touch it. "I guess holy water has no effect as a solid" I say. "Stop goofing around and let's go!" Life says. I drop the jar and it shatters on a rock. "Yes ma'am" I say. We head southeast in the direction of our nation's capital. It is good to be uninhibited by weather or terrain. We haven't traveled too far from the cave when we notice a small town...perhaps a few dozen houses, a few shops and a large church in the center of town. Night has fallen but we are not inhibited by the lack of sunlight. A wood palisade has been constructed around the town with a few square guard towers sprinkled in for good measure. A large billboard sign has been painted with a warning. Welcome to Saranac Lake. Any Canucks will be shot on sight. As if to emphasize the point, there are a few heads attached to pikes near the front gate in various states of decay. "Friendly place." Joe says. "Yeah I am thinking we should avoid it." I say. "Look, there are people out!" Life says. About a half mile from the town of Saranac Lake is a cemetery. Lanterns and flashlights help to outline a half dozen people. They seem to be desecrating graves. "I think we came out of that cave into the Medieval period dude. Those people get one look at us and it could start a auto-da-fé. Not only are we ghosts but we are atheists!" says Joe. "Why are you so worried Joe? What can they do to us, we are already dead? Besides you have me here to protect you." I say. There is a flash of blue-green light back near the village gates. The people near the cemetery stop what they are doing and rush back toward the gate. They erupt in cheers, but we can't hear specific conversation. "Where is Dawn and Sunny?" Life asks. "Sunny? Dawn???" we shout. "Oh no." Joe says. "What??" Life and I ask. "Somehow that village has acquired some Society technology." Joe says. "What kind of Society technology?" I ask. "The kind of Society technology that traps ghosts." Joe says. "Dammit! They've got Sunny and Dawn. I only took my eyes off of them for a second!! We have to get them back now." I say. "If we get anywhere near that wall we will be trapped too!" Joe says. "I'll go" I say, "But first lets see what they were doing at the cemetery, Perhaps it will give us some ideas to help get Sunny and Dawn back." Before the others can protest I rush out to the cemetery. Joe and Life follow close behind. When we arrive we can see that a dozen recently dug graves have been exhumed. The corpses' heads have been cut off and holy wafers have been stuffed in their mouths. Empty bottles of holy water lie near. The entire cemetery has been surrounded by a circle and dozens of crosses have been staked into the earth on its perimeter. "Dude, like I said these ignoramuses are living out of the Middle Ages." Joe says. "I do not detect any ghosts nearby...other than us." I say. "...and these poor saps were not vampires or demons." Life says. "How does this help us?" I ask. A loudspeaker blares out into the night. "Revenant, we have some things you desire. Surrender in the name of the President of the United States of America and I promise they will be released unharmed. Fail to comply and they will be destroyed...slowly. You have two minutes to arrive at the front gate and give yourself up." "How the hell do they know about me?" I ask. "Don't go honey, its a trap. These people are barbarians. They are going to kill Sunny and Dawn anyway. " Life says. "Dude, if they have society technology, they might have someone there that works directly for the government. Probably a priest. Best to cut your losses and keep moving." Joe says. "I lost Sunny once due to government cruelty. That same cruelty cost Dawn her life. Someone has to take a stand. While I have been weakened by my unraveling attempt, I am still very powerful. Perhaps I can free Dawn and my dog and learn something valuable before escaping." I say. "I'm coming too." Life says. "I'm not going to hit you up with some macho B.S. when I know you are a better fighter than I am but I am going to ask you not to go in. Not yet. Give me a chance to work. I have a plan." I say. "Dude, your plans never work!" Joe says. "This one will!" I say. "If you are not back in a half hour, we will construct a better plan." Life says. "If you have a better plan, I am ready to listen to you now my dear." I say. The silence is something I am unused to. "Wish me luck!" I say. Without waiting longer, I dart down to the gate of the town. The voice blaring over the loudspeaker says, "You have made the right decision demon. Now we will send you back to hell." I am struck by beams of light from two of the guard towers. I feel searing pain wrack through my very essence. I see the gate door slide open and feel myself drawn inside by the intense beams of light. Inside the town I see a mob of angry Americans waving assault rifles and carrying torches. In the center of town is an enormous American flag. A pit is next to the flagpole and what must be the Society ghost trap is suspended over the pit. A fat priest emerges from the group and blasts me with another painful beam of light. Behind the fat priest, a tall black man in a business suit comes out of the crowd. He is wearing an enormous American flag lapel pin on his suit and an equally enormous and expensive gold cross rests on a thick chain of gold from around his neck. "Ah yes, you must be the revenant from Michigan. We've heard about you. Michigan has always been a rather unsettled place,,,murder capital of the world right? ...Plus it reeks of those filthy Canadians. America is founded on the back of businessmen and entrepreneurs. I am such a man. My name is Tyrone C. Sellers. Either we can come to an agreement or I will terminate your contract. Do we have an understanding?" The fat priest says, "You can't do that. We have a deal. I get to send the demon back to hell!" "Friar Durant, the US government honors all agreements it makes. Show me the contract you have signed on official government letterhead and I shall adhere to the very letter of the arrangement." Tyrone says. "We...we have a verbal agreement. You said..." "Verbal agreements do not hold merit according to US law. If we had a verbal agreement, I have chosen to alter it. Given that you are a friar I suggest you pray the US government continues to value your cooperation." Tyrone says. Angrily the friar lashes out at me, firing his weapon wildly in my direction. I am hit with an energy source that brings me to my knees in anguish. When I am able to clear my head I say, "Name your terms...and I would like it in writing... on official government letterhead..." I'm alone. Finally. Well not exactly, I still have Sunny and we have been wandering ever since I left Fast Eddie and Cleveland behind. I am not even sure where we are exactly...somewhere in the Adirondacks I would guess. I've never been here before but the incredible waterfalls and caves are exactly the sort of place I have been thinking would be a great place for me to spend the rest of eternity. I find a stick and toss it. Sunny retrieves it. She never gets tired of the game as indicated by her fast wagging tail when she brings the stick back. The repetitive game reminds me of the way most ghosts just cycle in mindless ritual, unaware of anyone or anything. I envy them.
The game of fetch takes us to the mouth of a large cave. I toss the stick inside and follow Sunny's bright white outline as she goes deep inside the cave to retrieve her wooden treasure. Within an hour we are so deep inside the Earth I am sure I can feel the heat from the Earth's mantle. Sunny wags happily and plays a game of going in and out of my legs rapidly chasing her tail, yet never quite catching it. "Ah Sunny, here we are on the perfect vacation. No people, no conflicts, no politics, just a man and his dog." I say. Sunny rolls onto her back for pats. Eager to please I comply. The pleasant repetitive action is relaxing. Other than the steady drip of water I finally have silence. A frightening thought occurs. What if none of this really happened. What if I am having an elaborate dream. I do have a very strong imagination. Straining I try to force myself to consciousness. Nothing! Sunny is still on her back receiving pats and I am still an oily black shade with a penchant for bad jokes. It occurs to me that there is no reason for me to expend the energy to be corporal. I relax. Now a bat could pass through me as if I were not here at all. I like this place. Time passes. I miss my wife. It seems a bit ironic that Life was there for me when I woke from my cycling and all I could think about was Sunny and getting revenge for her. Now I have Sunny and there is nothing I can do to get Life back. I am overwhelmed with the sense of loss. Sensing my grief, the cave moans out in such incredible sorrow the echos cause tears to fall from the stalactites. A swarm of bats hurry to fly away, knowing that whatever made the plaintive wail is a danger to all living things. Time passes very slowly in a dark cave. Perhaps ten thousand drops of water has passed since I came down here with Sunny, perhaps ten trillion. I don't know and I don't care. Even Sunny has stopped wagging her tail, sensing my distress. I find her stick and toss it as far as I can. Sunny's tail wags like a helicopter blade and with great joy she goes into the cave complex in search of her wooden prey. I realize this is my opportunity. I couldn't do this in front of Sunny. I have suspected that there may indeed be a way for me to end my existence and rid this world of a monster. I am a ghost. My thoughts, my dreams, my everything is nothing more than energy. I do not fully understand the science but somehow I can manipulate that energy with whatever sentience I have remaining to me. What if I accelerated that energy to the point where my sentience simply unravels? It has to be possible right? Right?!? I begin to concentrate on the problem. I focus all of my power on accelerating my energy. I can see sparks of energy arching from my resting place. It's working! Faster. Faster! Faster! More arching energy! The cave glows as more and more sparks of energy fly in all directions. The cave echos with the static sound of energy being released throughout the cave. As the power begins to drain my thoughts become muddled. I see myself firing a gun at an Abrams tanks. Cooper is there and then he is gone. I push the throttle forward using the jet as a weapon to kill as many people as possible. I awaken and devour every lost soul in Lansing. I kill. I kill. I kill. I see Joe trying to convince me to shake my murderous impulse. There is a little girl. Sunny. Even my dear wife is shouting orders at me. The sparks are now long blue tendrils of lightening hitting stalagmites and stalactites indiscriminately. A stalactite hits the ground. I see white. I begin to dream. I begin to sleep. Darkness. Heaven and Hell are pipe-dreams. They are idealized visions created by living people hoping to explain the unknowable to ease their fears. That is one more unknowable I can scratch off my list. The blissful void, the charismatic chasm of nothingness is gone. In its place is a tongue lapping me in the face. With each lap, I feel my strength, my powers, my sentience returning. I open my eyes and Sunny is alive with energy. Blue bolts shoot from her tongue into my face. A girl's voice asks, "Is he going to live?" Sunny barks once. "Enough!" I say. Then I laugh in spite of myself. Sunny quits giving me dog kisses. I focus and see Dawn, the little girl I killed in my village. She is smiling and patting Sunny on the head. "Mr. Archer, why are you down in this big dark cave?" She asks. "I came down here to get away from all the troubles in the world." I say. "You're funny Mr. Archer!" "Yes I am, but why do you think so Dawn?" "Because you can't hide from trouble. Trouble always finds you. My mommy told me that." "Well your mommy was right. I am in trouble." "How come Mr. Archer? Did you break the law?" "Yes, Dawn. I am afraid I broke a lot of laws. I have let everyone down." "Not me. You are my hero and my friend." Tell me how I can help you get out of trouble!" "Well Dawn, I am not sure what to do. Maybe that is why I came here. I can't be with the living anymore." "Why not?" "Because when I am around the living, people die...like what happened when I got too close to you with that gun when the tank attacked our village." "I already told you that was not your fault. It was my fault for disobeying mommy. Nobody will blame you for trying to help people. People need your help and I am going to help you!" "How are you going to help me dear child?" "We are going to play a game." "Okay, what game do you want to play Dawn?" "I want to play hide and seek." "Are you sure? I am very good at that game!" "Yes!!! Mr. Archer, I want to play hide and seek!!" "Okay..." I say. "TAG!!! You're it!!!" Dawn shrieks. "Dawn?" "Yes, Mr. Archer?" "How did you find me?" I ask. "Your friend Mr. Joe told me you were sad and said I could help cheer you up." "You have dear...and Dawn?" "Yes, Mr. Archer??" "One...two...three..." I say. "No fair, you are peeking!!" Dawn says. "Okay I am starting over NOW! One...two...three..." "Sixty! Round and round I go, until I find Dawn." I focus my powers. Every drip, every bat, every single blind cave cricket is like a drum beat to me. Tiny changes in the air current, in the temperature become my instant alarm bell. I sense Dawn is hiding near in a large rock near the cave mouth. Clever girl! However this is one game I wish to drag out. "Sunny, I can't find Dawn!! If I don't find that girl we will never be able to save the world from bad guys! Where is she Sunny?" I say. Sunny runs toward the rock that Dawn is hiding in, but I detect another ghost is watching us from up high. I become a blur of darkness, flying up to a large stalactite above my head. "Well, children are not the only people who hide in the dark!" I say. "This is the best seat in the house man. I didn't know you were so good with kids" "Well Joe, neither did I. Now get down from there and watch me work" I say. "You really do know how to kill a good time" Joe says. I rush up to the giant boulder where Dawn is hiding and sit on top of it. Sunny is already lying curled up on top of the rock, pretending to sleep. "Hmm, I think I lost her, Sunny. Dawn is too clever for us. Lets just sit on this big rock and hope she decides to come back and claim the winner's prize!" I say. "Prize????" Dawn asks. "What prize do I get?" "First you get a big sloppy boy kiss from me." "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Mr. Archer I lost! You found me!" "Okay, well then second prize is you get to come with Mr. Archer while he saves the world from the bad guys!" I say. "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" Dawn says. "How are you going to do that dude?" Asks Joe. "Well I am not entirely sure. We can't rely on mortals. This has to be a job for the spirit world." I say. "Brother I am with you, but we don't even have any Society technology anymore." Joe says. "We don't need it. We have something better." "Oh yeah? What might that be?" Asks Joe. "I have a second chance with Life!" I say. I push my hand deep into my skull and pull with all my might. Like Athena emerging from the split head of Zeus, so too a figure emerges slowly from my own head. Like Athena, she is weaponized. "Took you long enough to figure that one out, smart guy." Sunny wags her tail at once. "I did not know you were in there" I say. "Yes you did!" "No I did not!" "Yes you did!!" I go to give the woman with the two katanas a big hug. She slaps me violently. She smiles. "Yes you did!!" |
Dean StevensI am responsible for all that appears before you. Categories
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